Dear Lo,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and I have never been happier. He genuinely treats me right and makes me feel so loved. We met online and live about 14 hours away from each other so the only time we’ve seen each other is when he flew here for my graduation. The original plan was for him to stay for a week and then go home and get a job. He stayed for the whole month of June and it was honestly the best month of this year. But after he left, I cried a lot and missed him. After a couple days, I realized I was feeling very anxious and I wasn’t sure why. I did some research and figured out that I had separation anxiety. I believe I’ve had undiagnosed separation anxiety since I was in 7th grade, but I had it towards my house/my mom. Now I think I developed it with my boyfriend because we got much closer while he was here. I find myself anxious everyday, and my boyfriend has mentioned that he doesn’t know what to do. It’s hard for him because he just wants to make me happy.

We’re taking a break from talking right now while I get my life together, but I don’t know what to do. I signed up for therapy and my first appointment is on Thursday. I journal, meditate, and I take care of myself to the best of my ability. I don’t know what else to do to minimize the anxiety and I don’t know how to reassure him that I’ll be okay. I’ve also been thinking about texting him and checking in on him, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea because we’re taking a break. I don’t know how long we’re taking a break either. I was alone with myself for about two years, and in those years, I dealt with anxiety from moving to a new house, and I got to know myself a lot better and found joy in my life that didn’t involve someone else. I don’t know why I suddenly feel anxious without him, but it’s really hard and sometimes it feels like I won’t get through it. I really don’t know what to do and I don’t want to lose him.

Dear Lo,

I’ve been in a relationship with the same person off-and-on for the past 3 years now. Throughout our time together, there have been 3 times that he emotionally cheated on me, which really hurt my trust and self-esteem. Also in the beginning, things were perfect and then over time, he slowly started doing less and less. He wouldn’t treat me poorly, just not as good as before. I felt needy and ungrateful for being upset by this change.

We broke up for a bit last year and then got back together this January. He’s someone who has worked hard to re-gain my trust and build back with me. But he’s slowly stopped doing the same things as before like bringing me little surprises and writing me long good morning texts. We work together and it gets hard because I see him talking to our other girl coworkers and this really makes me angry. I tried talking to him about that, but he’s someone who is outgoing and likes to talk to others so he doesn’t want to stray from his morals. I just want to be able to deal with all of this in a healthy way that isn’t taking it out on him or controlling him.

I get really anxious that he’ll get feelings for someone else again or that he’s never going to treat me like he did in the beginning. It makes me put him first before myself to the point where I basically only live for him. When I get anxious, I feel crippled - I can’t eat or get out of my room or do anything for myself. I’s frustrating and makes me feel so bad about myself. He’s doing his best to meet all my needs, but I can tell it’s starting to drain him and it’s making me panic. I feel like I am not enough and that I have to be perfect. I feel like I just want to fix and control and perfect our relationship all the time. Everything makes me anxious and I just want to be happy and mentally healthy. I don’t know how to cope and I don’t know what to do.

Dear Lo,

I want to start off by saying that I attended one of your webinars on codependency and it was a breath of fresh air. I recently had a huge heart-to-heart with my partner regarding how they think my mental state in this relationship is unhealthy…which hurts, obviously. I know that I do not have the healthy mindset and emotional awareness that my partner has, which he has worked on through his own journey. He said we are in two different spots, but there is always room for growth, right? He wants me to be my best self, love me for me, communicate my feelings more, and be more vulnerable. I spoke with my therapist regarding the antidepressant I am on, and how I feel like I am "blocked" 95% of the time regarding my emotions and reactions, which is very frustrating. I am still raw from this conversation with him. I don't want him to have resentment toward me and how I am trying to grow on my journey and take the necessary steps. I am worried that he won't see the effort. He wants me to be happy and express my needs and wants, but I am afraid he'll get tired of waiting for me to become "healthy" in my journey. How do I cope with these anxieties?

Dear Lo,

I feel anxious whenever I go out in public or get behind the wheel to drive. I hate that gut wrenching feeling of dread. There are times that I will be walking around and get really nervous for no apparent reason. It makes me want to go back home right away and just stay there. What can I do?