Holiday Survival Guide
The holiday season and end of the calendar year can bring with it a lot of joy, fun, excitement, and tradition. However, it can also be a time of stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion, especially for those of us who are parents and caregivers. We often believe we need to show up at every event, clean and decorate our homes to perfection, bake delicious treats, cook homemade meals, buy a lot of impressive gifts, and display endless energy and enthusiasm. My goal today is to normalize the presence and intensity of these overwhelming emotions AND share some tips on how to take care of yourself in these next few weeks (and beyond!).
Maybe you’ve always struggled around the holiday season or perhaps you’re finding this time of year more difficult now due to loss, change, or additional responsibilities and pressures. Either way, I find it helpful to remember that feeling this way does not make you wrong, crazy, alone, or a grump. As a therapist, coach, and friend, I can tell you that sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and frustration are very common experiences around the holidays. While movies, music, commercials, and social media make it seem as though everyone else is effortlessly doing it all with a ton of energy and ease, that is simply not the case. Many of us are struggling in silence, putting on the appearance that we are navigating this season effortlessly because we think we “should” feel and act this way. Being separated or estranged from loved ones, feeling obligated to engage with difficult people at gatherings, and experiencing heightened mental health concerns can make this time of year a huge challenge. I find that simply acknowledging out loud how we truly feel without shame or embarrassment can provide some unexpected relief in itself.
I also recommend that you create a coping plan to help you move through this season with a little more peace and support. The first step is to practice the pause when you are invited or requested to attend a particular event. For those of us who are people pleasers, we often say “yes” automatically without stopping to check in with ourselves and make the decision that feels best in our bodies. You are allowed to have wants, needs, feelings, and opinions. YOU matter. Get in the habit of saying, “Thanks so much for thinking of me. Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” This built-in pause will allow you to take the time you need to turn inward, check in with how your mind and body feel, and remember that you always have a choice. It is much easier to do this reflection work when you aren’t feeling pressured to answer on the spot in front of the person making the request. Remember that you can’t do it all and you don’t need to. The holiday season is not just about everyone else - making sure they are happy, their needs are met, and they have beautiful memories to look back on. It is also about slowing down, checking in with yourself, and doing small things that make you feel refreshed, peaceful, and present. Practice saying “no” during these next few hectic weeks because in doing so, you will be able to say “yes” to other things that are extremely valuable (and that includes relaxation, sleep, reading, art, and other self-care activities).
The next step involves making a plan for how you are going to respond to challenging people, situations, requests, etc. that are likely to come up. I never want to feel surprised or caught off guard, and brainstorming ahead of time can be a great way to reclaim your power and remember your options. Who do you want to see this holiday season and when? For how much time and in what setting? Tune in and consider your own wants, needs, and feelings rather than focusing solely on what everyone else expects from you. You are allowed to make changes even if it strays from tradition because your wants and needs can differ from year to year. Decide now how you can set a boundary and take care of yourself with that family member or coworker who will inevitably ask you questions that make you uncomfortable or put pressure on you. Remember that it is not selfish to consider yourself and your family’s time and energy, making decisions that feel aligned with your values and allowing other people to manage their emotions if they disagree with your choices. As an adult, you are the boss of yourself and only you know what conversations, decisions, and plans work best for you. Give yourself permission to care for yourself, even if other people are disappointed.
Finally, I want to encourage you to identify the people, places, things, and resources that can provide you with extra support if you need it. Being proactive can make a big difference and allow you to feel more confident that you can get through challenging moments. Schedule extra sessions with your therapist or coach, ask a friend if you can text or call them if you need a pep talk, make a playlist with uplifting music to have on hand, and commit to doing daily activities that help you to soothe yourself. Maybe it is a warm bath, your favorite tea, a comforting movie, a video chat with a loved one, cuddling with your pet and a warm blanket, lighting your favorite scented candle. It doesn’t have to be huge, time-consuming actions to make a difference. In fact, many times I find that the smaller activities that I do on a regular basis sustain me the most (a quick walk around the neighborhood at lunch or reading for 10 minutes before bed).
If you do not feel as though you have support around you, follow me on social media @letgowitlo on IG and Let Go With Lo on Facebook as I will be posting and sharing coping strategies and uplifting content this holiday season. Also, remember that in the United States, you can dial 988 at any time of the day or night to receive support from a trained mental health professional. We are social creatures and we cannot and should not have to go through challenging times on our own. It is okay (and important) to ask for support, and it demonstrates great strength and courage. Finally, keep in mind that you deserve to lovingly take care of yourself and have your own back. Practice asking yourself three questions each day as a check-in: How do I feel emotionally? How do I feel physically? What do I need and how can I give that to myself? You are a beautiful, precious diamond who should be cherished and valued so treat yourself that way!
I’m sending all of you my warmest wishes, love, and support as we close out this year and head into 2023. Thank you all for being here and joining me on this healing journey. Take care of you and I look forward to our continued work together in the new year!
